The Perfect Apology

The Perfect Apology






You had good intentions, but somehow things got out of hand. Maybe you just had to say something. Now you now regret it, big time.

What should you do? An apology signals others that we have the strength of character to reconcile ourselves with the truth. It is the most courageous gesture we can make to ourselves.

• Leave out the “ifs or buts.” “If” reduces the effectiveness of an apology. “If I offended you, I am sorry. This says the offence may not have happened. Adding “but” is just as bad: “I am sorry, but you started it.” Say, “I offended you and I’m sorry.”
• Use the active voice, not passive. The passive voice is a way of avoiding responsibility. The apology comes out as “Mistakes were made.” It’s like someone else may have made them.
• Don’t assume. Don’t be arrogant enough to presume you know how they feel. Don’t say, “I know how you feel.” say, “I can’t imagine how you are feeling.”
• Don’t say “What can I do to make it right?” An apology is more effective if it includes your plan for restitution.
• Begin with I. Accept personal responsibility so rather than saying, “You have said things and I have said things,” say, “I apologize and I am sorry.”
• Use the victim’s name. Using it in your apology reinforces the mission, which is to repair the relationship.
• Don’t Ramble. Rambling usually ends in excuses.
• Don’t Argue. Listen. The purpose of an apology is not to change someone’s point of view.